Goodness! It's been forever since I last blogged! Wow! Let's try and do a quick update here...
My last blog was March 8th, the day after Christopher broke up with me. Yes, the cause of all my sorrows should have ended then, right? NOPE! It took about a month and a half before the shit ended, but it IS a happy ending, so no worries loves!
Okay, let's go over the book of Christopher and then we'll have a better understanding of stupid me and even more stupid him.
THE BOOK OF CHRISTOPHER (AKA How I know my good boyfriend Taylor <3)
Chapter One: The Meeting
Okay, so our tale begins on a website called "plentyoffish" (a website that will come up a few times throughout). I had an old account on this website from back in my hookup days that needed serious updating. So, I added some pics of me in my kilt, I spruced up the old description and BAM! Christopher messaged me saying something about how "rad" kilts are. Now, I should have known "DOUCHE" right off the bat when he said "rad" but this was someone who seemed interesting otherwise.
So, we added each other to MSN and Facebook and began chatting. Christopher had an interest in opera (something I was just begining to get into) and an interest in musicals (something I had years of experience in). So blah blah blah! He said "I'm crushing on you" and suggested we meet up that weekend.
We met and watched Sweeney Todd, made out (something that never really happened again after that), wore kilts around vancouver, and headed back to my place where we fucked.
That night Christopher said I was a "keeper" and asked if I'd be his "boyfriend". I was in full swoon mode and we spent the next four days hanging out, fucking, and spending my money.
Chapter Two: Money Money Money
Christopher was a manipulative little bastard. He liked to make you just jealous enough that you'd work harder to keep him but not jealous enough to dump him and stop spending money on him. Manipulation is serious business and you only get good at it if you've had a lifetime of practice (believe me, I know, because I can do it most of the time).
This bastard's way of mental mind fucking was to keep his plentyoffish account and mention the boys he was chatting with as friends. He always just needed more friends.
My mind was fucked into thinking "We're obviously not doing enough together I'll plan more and more things I can take him to." And thus began my course of spending the most money I've ever spent in such a short period of time.
Christopher had obviously worked his parents and friends over for years and knew just what to do (be grateful, but not too grateful, let them know they can always do more).
Chapter Three: Valentines Day Massacre (or I shouldn't be here...)
So, anyways, time went on and Christopher fucked me over time and again getting me to pick him up for dates so he could cancel at the last minute and get a ride to the skytrain where he'd go see BB (his recluse friend on UBC's campus who, according to Christopher, didn't like anybody but him and was obsessed with buying clothes he couldn't afford like Burberry and Lacoste) or this guy named Taylor.
Anyways, I got upset and decided Valentines Day was the day that we'd have to ourselves. So I planned the day out: an opera in the morning, then lunch, then a walk downtown, dinner, and home.
The day started off great! I picked him up, we went to the opera, we had lunch, we took a nap together, fucked and he suggested we go downtown to the library for a bit. As soon as we got to the library he decided to tell me his friend Taylor was having a bad Valentines Day and would I hate him if he ditched me?
I snapped, "I don't hate you, but you have to leave me today? Because your friend isn't having a good day? What the hell?"
This was out of nowhere to him "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was doing anything wrong... Would you like to join us? We're just gonna get something to eat with his friend" I grumbled and we headed to meet up with this TAYLOR character...
We arrived at the Cactus Club on Burrard where I met Taylor and his Friend Alexxa, both of which were having a gay old time it seemed. I decided to drop it and we'd just enjoy dinner here.
As we ate Taylor realizes who I am "OHHHHH! You're the Disney friend" he says and I nod confused as to why he didn't know me, afterall I AM his friend's boyfriend.
So we continue eating and end off the night at Cupcake where I buy a 1/2 a dozen cupcakes that were finished by the end of the night by, you guessed it.
As we drove home I asked Christopher about Taylor who he said was "a new friend" and I asked why I was known as "the Disney friend" and not "the boyfriend" to which he shrugged and said he didn't know really...
CHAPTER FOUR: A NEW ACQUAINTANCE?
So, being the vengeful bitch I am, I decided to make it PERFECTLY CLEAR to this Taylor character that Christopher was NOT on the market and to befriend him (maybe to keep my enemies close, maybe to have a new friend, who knows :P) But anyways I found him on plentyoffish and became chat buddies and friends on facebook.
This drove Christopher MAD! He confronted me one night and asked why I was always commenting on Taylor's status updates on facebook. Because I'm his friend? But I barely know him! Maybe I want to get to know him! Well Christopher finished "I don't normally mix my friends with my boyfriends and I don't like this"
Somehow this made sense to me? I don't know how, but I decided to stop commenting then.
Chapter Five: A Trip to Seattle (will fix everything?)
Bleh, I was in a rut now. Somehow I'd managed to piss off Christopher by talking to his friend... What could I do?
BING! A new message from "Seattle Opera" pops up in the bottom right of my moniter's screen. THAT'S IT! A trip to Seattle for the weekend! We can stay at a hotel and roam the city! And have sex in a hotel! And see an opera! OH EM GEE! This is gonna be great!
Christopher says he's not sure if he should. Come on! We can get away and enjoy ourselves. He doesn't really have any money. Well that's okay, I've budgeted it out and it'll only be about $200 if we don't do all the touristy stuff.
Grateful, but not too grateful and BAM! We're on our way...
So we check into the hotel and right away he wants to see the space needle. Oh, okay, well I guess we can do that... And the monorail... And to eat out a lot... and he wants a souvenir book... and he wants... and he wants... and he wants...
BLEH! So we get back to the hotel for a little break and are you kidding me? NO SEX! He wants to head out again and check out more things... COME ON! I've never done it in America... Later... Later comes and nothing, but he does want pizza. This trip fucking sucks!
We head home and he sleeps the entire way snoring his fucking head off as I try and listen to music.
I drop him off and he says he's gonna be busy for the rest of the week and I have to practically force him to give me a kiss. This was the last time I saw him as my boyfriend...
Chapter Six: The Breakup to the Breakdown
"Listen, next time I see you we need to have a little chat" the messenger box on my computer says.
"Chat? About what?"
"Just relationship stuff. Don't worry about it now. So what are you up to?"
Don't worry about it? What the fuck??? "What kind of talk?"
"I said don't worry."
"Well I can't not worry, what's it about? Is something wrong?"
"Yes and no..."
WTF? "What does that mean?"
"Look do you want me to do this over the internet? Really?"
"Do what? Are you breaking up with me?"
"Sigh. Okay, I think we'd be better off as friends. I really care about you, but I don't think things are working out. I've gotta go though, my mom's up and told me to go to bed. You okay?"
I think about the question and answer "Yeah... I think I'll be fine actually."
"Good, night"
"Wait. Why?"
"I've gotta go okay? I have to get up early tomorrow to help my dad work. Goodnight!"
Click! and he's gone. BAM! It hits me like a ton of bricks to the heart. OUCH! What the fuck? BAM! Again! Oh my fucking god! I'm a loser! What the fuck have I been doing? What the fuck just happened? OUCH! Tears start pouring out my eyes and I'm heaving for breath, what is this?
My mind tells me to go get cigarettes and fast! So I stumble down the stairs sobbing all the way! QUIET! Angela (my sister) will wake up! SOB SOB SOB! I get to my car and decide to wait for a quiet moment to drive. My phone rings, it's Angela.
"You okay? What's going on?"
"He- (in audible noises) He- Dumped- ME!"
"What? Why?"
"I dunno! I need cigarettes! I'm sorry I have to smoke..."
"Oh, okay. Yeah, just be careful driving. But don't worry I understand..."
I start the ignition, drive, and get the pack of smokes that I inhale one after another for the next month and a half...
Chapter Seven: The Day After
Somehow I managed to get to sleep for 2.5 hours. I got up and had to text him "Hey, can we talk? I don't feel like we've had closure and it'd really help if I saw you."
"I think it's best if we both sort out our feelings first. Give it a few days."
A FEW DAYS? What the fuck? How? "No, seriously could we just talk for five minutes?"
"I SAID GIVE ME TIME."
I call and get his machine. "Could you just talk to me for five minutes please? I don't like that this happened over msn and I'd like to talk to you"
Later I found out that he was making fun of me for how "needy" I was and how "over-emotional" I was, but that's another story.
"LOOK! I'll call you tomorrow if you just leave me alone okay?"
So I lazed about going crazy waiting for the next day. The next day I skipped school again and went out to Chilliwack to see my mom. I told her what happened and we went for lunch. I cried more and at 6:50pm he called me "Hello?"
"Hi, I would like to order a pizza please. Extra anchovies and mushrooms" (or something equally stupid) he said.
"Hi, how are you?"
"Good! I had a wonderful day today. I saw Taylor. I baked him a cake and we saw Watchmen."
"Oh..." I choke back angry tears.
"Yeah. He really liked the cake."
"That's good, how is he?"
"Gooooooooood! He has a boyfriend now."
YES! Finally some fucking good news! "Oh? Wow! Good for him! I just wanted to talk and just let you know that I'd still like to try and be friends. You don't have to block me on msn and crap. We're a bit better than that aren't we?"
"Okay, well I've gotta go, Wheel of Fortune is starting in a few minutes. Bye."
"Ummm, oh, okay? Bye?"
Click... Wheel of Fortune?
Chapter Eight: A Fuck Buddy?
So he unblocked me from msn and we chatted more. We decided to try and hang out on Weds (2 days from then) and just go for a walk. I went and picked him up and we walked around. He joked about "naughty texts" Taylor was sending him (as if) and said I was doing great with the whole thing.
We headed home and on the way he said "Man... I'm horny..."
I didn't know what to say "Oh..."
"It sucks..."
"What do you want me to fuck you or something?"
"Could we? Would that be weird?"
"I don't know... Would it?" I asked back.
"I think we could. We're so good together," This made me smile.
"Okay."
"Alright, but as soon as one of us finds someone else we need to stop with no hard feelings, right?"
"Yeah..."
Chapter Nine: Sicko!
So, it went on like that for about 3 weeks, during which I'd started chatting with Taylor again. We were bored one day and went to see Monsters Vs Aliens and afterwards he was going climbing so I went too. I met his boss, Kelly who seemed cool and had a lot of fun.
Christopher didn't like that, but I didn't care now.
Anyways, Christopher got sick at the end of March (a few days after my birthday) and had to stay home. I asked Taylor to join my sister and I to see Fanboys and while we were there he asked what I thought of Christopher being in the hospital... WHAT???
Yeah, he went to the hospital and texted everyone but me, ugh! Anyways, so he was stuck in the hospital and kept texting me about how he was going to die which would make me breakdown during class crying and I looked like a right nut job!
I decided to take some of his friends out to see him at the hospital in Langley and lent him a bunch of dvds to keep him occupied... One of the friends I took to see him was Taylor. After Taylor and I went to see him we decided to go hang out downtown and get a drink. We ended up getting really drunk and he appologized to me for Valentine's Day.
I ended up telling him the entire story of Christopher and me. He told me Christopher's version where he was trapped with me and how he wanted to dump me since Valentines Day but couldn't and how Taylor told him he shouldn't go to Seattle with me if he didn't want to be with me... Then we went to see Fast and Furious where we laughed our drunk asses off!
We continued to hang out, Taylor broke up with his boyfriend, and he let me know through a text that he had too much fun with me and that he had kind of a crush on me. I hadn't thought about it but I realized I did too. The next day I suggested we drink wine in a park somewhere and he suggested Wreck Beach. We met up and got super drunk on Wreck Beach... I ended up falling off a log and after he helped me back up he went forward and kissed me. "I'm sorry!" He said, shocked at himself for doing that. I smiled at him and told him "Don't be." I kissed him back and we lived happily ever after! <3
Epilogue: A Text Comes Through
As I sat here writing this story I recieved a text from Taylor: "I miss you. 2200 can't come soon enough." We haven't seen each other for two days and are going rock climbing tonight. Yes, I've decided to stick with the rock climbing and learn more.
The text makes me smile and my face flush because I know he's good for me.
Without Christopher I wouldn't know him and I guess without Christopher I wouldn't know what I don't want and might still be a weak fool allowing myself to be manipulated into spending ridiculous amounts of money on a shit-head boy.
I love Taylor and couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. I'd do a "Book of Taylor" But it would be pretty much free of conflict. The worst fights we've had have been slight disagreements about nothing.
If you don't have your own "Book of _______" detailing a self destructive relationship you've been in count yourself lucky. If you do have one but you've got yourself a "Taylor" out of it count yourself the luckiest person in the world, I do.
THE END
11 years ago
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